It took me 37 years to write this blog post. To be honest, I never thought the day would come. But one early Monday morning in March, I stood in my bathroom shaking with both fear and excitement. I blinked a few times to make sure I was actually seeing that extra line or if I was just going cross-eyed. I wasn't going cross-eyed. The test was positive.

The whole weekend before that day was full of lots of activity. I was sure my body was getting ready to tell me there wouldn't be a baby yet as my back ached as it normally would have during that time of the month. My husband and a few family members were over at our church building a new sound booth and I was working diligently scraping old vinyl off of the front windows of the church. Later that evening, we attended a birthday party for my step-grandmother at the local bowling alley. I bowled two full games thinking all that activity would surely throw my body into the inevitable. 

By the next day, I started wondering if my body was tricking me. We went through church service and I relaxed the rest of the day as I was feeling so exhausted from the previous day's work. This would normally be the point in time that I would probably have pulled out a test just to prove to myself that it was business as usual. But I fought the urge knowing how many times I had done the same only to find a negative result. I would be patient for at least one more day.

When I went to bed that night, I told myself I would take a test first thing in the morning. The first thing in the morning came earlier than normal as I woke up nearly at sunrise. I slowly made my way to the bathroom already shaking and nervous about what that moment would bring. There was either something wrong with me or something very right. And then when that extra little line showed up on the test I was about as stunned as I've ever been. 

I then frantically began trying to pull together all the information so I could tell D. He was still fast asleep and I knew I couldn't wait for him to wake up before I could tell him we would be having a baby. I had been keeping a book about fatherhood in my bathroom cabinet to use for that very moment. I grabbed it for the first time since I'd purchased it and headed to the bedroom with the positive test in my other hand. I worked to get the curtains open to have some light to snap a picture and then gingerly tapped him on the arm. His eyes blinked open slowly which prompted me to push the book and the test towards him. He looked at it and then looked at me and managed to get out, "Are you serious?" I gave him a few moments to let it set in. After a few words of praise to our God for such an amazing gift, we sat and marveled at how our life was about to change. 

Nothing to see here...yet.

I'm pretty sure we went through the rest of the day in a daze. Neither of us got any work done. While I wanted to celebrate and shout the news from the mountain tops, I knew I needed to be patient. I wasn't sure how my body would treat this new little life and I didn't want to get ahead of myself. For weeks longer we would keep this secret. It was just ours for the longest time until we knew for sure this little blessing would be hanging around with us for the next few months. 

And here I am writing my first blog post about expecting. I knew I should be documenting this better, so I went to the only platform I've ever known to do just that. That morning in March seems like a decade ago and, while I still don't know how this journey is actually going to go, I know I'm excited to talk about it. Some days I wonder if I have enough energy for my own child. I'm just a few years shy of 40 and I'll have a toddler?! Maybe this baby will help me keep my youth. At any rate, I know I'm going to do my best to be as successful at parenthood as I can. My priorities will shift a bit. I'll have to be just a little less selfish. Worth it.