On the other hand, you have these celebrities out there in their 50's and 60's looking like I wished I could've looked in my 20's. How do they do that? 

Yes, age is just a number. I just keep track of my number in ways I wish I wouldn't. 

While it feels like I'm the only almost-forty-year-old on the planet, I've seen at least 3 friends this week post about turning 40. I'm not that special. But, in my mind, this is big. 

In the past ten years, I've learned how to be a wife. That was cool (and sometimes really hard). I learned how to be a pastor's wife. That was also cool (and also sometimes really hard). All the biological grandparents I knew passed away (and I literally watched two of them take their last breath--something I had never witnessed before. Not cool and still really hard). I had a baby. Like I literally gave birth to a human child (who is the cutest and funniest kid I've ever met and not just because she's my own kid). Ten years ago, I didn't think it would be possible for me to actually give birth to a child (for many reasons not including being horribly afraid of needles and they take your blood A LOT). I learned how to be a mom. I take it really seriously. I often wonder how many of my tendencies are traumatizing her (and praying that none of them are and that my intentionality and love will be what she remembers of me when she's an adult). 

That seems like a lot. And it is. But there are so many things I really thought I would have accomplished by 40. Like having six-pack abs, for example. I'm sure they're in there somewhere. 

I have so many terrible habits. I grab my phone when I open my eyes in the morning. I lay in bed and scroll my phone moments before closing my eyes at night. I forget to take my vitamins, eat too much ice cream, never drink enough water, skip exercising more days than I actually exercise and spend 75% of my time in sweatpants. 

Suffice it to say, I enter 40 with many more bad habits than good ones. Maybe this year I can change that.

You know one thing I feel I'm better at? Knowing the Lord. I read my Bible more than I ever have. I pray more than I ever have. I think o
n the things of God more than I ever have. And, I guess, if that's the only thing I became a bit more proficient at (and it's not the ONLY thing, but sometimes feels like it), then I guess I focused on the right thing. Because the more I focus on Christ, the better I become at being a wife, minister, mother, and everything else. So I'm going to lean into that. 

Anyhow. I have so much more I could say, but I am going to spend my final moments of my 30's trying not to think about anything at all.  In the words of my toddler when I give her a favorite treat, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!"